Hunter Biden 2024
It's the only way to defeat the evil clown.
Hunter 2024 might not just save the Biden family. Hunter 2024 will save America from a second Trump administration. But in order to really explain the genius of Hunter 2024, you have to face two difficult truths.
1. Right now, excepting a significant qualitative shift, the Biden legacy is fucked. Joe Biden will be remembered as an opponent of racial integration in the 70s, an architect of the carceral archipelago in the 90s, a supporter of the invasion of Iraq in 2003, an executive participant in proxy warfare in Libya and Syria, and then, perhaps, a party to the breakout of World War III.
His so-called “good” son, Beau, has passed on to heaven, and the son remaining here, Hunter, is a figure of near universal scorn, a recovering crack addict who sold his political connections to serve on various international energy companies, sharing the money with other family members in an apparent crime syndicate.
2. The only way to beat a clown in a clown election is to outclown the clown. Donald Trump is the clown and 2024 is the clown election, because the media ecology of the United States have created a low-conviction, high-affect, low-legitimacy, high-nihilism moodscape. Where posting Italian male models and Lupin III clips to techno music with a pulsing sonnenrad in the background is right wing, and supporting the fascist ethnostate of Ukraine and walls of text are left wing. In this moodcape, all elections, at whatever level, are clown elections. Donald Trump is the biggest and best clown ever in American politics. The Michael Jordan of political dunks. He is orders of magnitude funnier and stranger than any candidate ever. No existing potential candidate - except for one - could potentially be funnier and stranger than Trump.
It’s Hunter Biden. Hunter Biden, running as a Republican. As a wise Nazarene once put it, “The last shall be first, and the first last, for many be called, but few chosen.”
Only one qualitative transformation can redeem the Biden dynasty: Hunter Biden’s 2024. It begins as a primary candidacy for the GOP Presidential nomination. The campaign motto: FUCK MY DAD. He openly plays up the incest angle, without any shred of shame or decency. His life is his own porno. He may forego YouTube and social media and go where his people are, Pornhub. He admits to doing crack. He insinuates he’s on crack right now when asked. Anywhere possible, he’s smoking a blunt. Why not? What are they going to do, arrest him?
Hunter never makes reference to Trump. His attitude about Trump is as if he does not exist, is imaginary. He only talks shit about his shitheel dad. It’s a cross between the first half of season three of Succession, Bullworth, and Tim and Eric’s Bedtime Stories, but as a presidential campaign. Everyone watches. Everyone has to watch. Is this actually going to happen? Networks can’t bury a story of family strife, incest, and flagrant drug use the way they can bury a story about corruption ripping a family apart.
Will the Republicans going to vote for Trump, or for Hunter Biden? In the first debate Hunter shows up in a Joker outfit. 'The Jared Leto one, maybe. ‘The world’s a messed up place,’ he says. Hunter Biden looks straight at the camera and tells America that he will blow up a hospital if he doesn’t become the Republican nominee for president. Does it work? Not at first. Perhaps he loses the first primary.
The next day he finds Jesus. But it’s our friend and yours, Christian Vitalist Jesus. It’s the actual Jesus from the Bible. Not the fake Calvin-Luther-Protestant Jesus whose purpose now is to create office workers using guilty consciences. No. This is the Jesus who frees everyone from the law. All of them. Especially the ones against cocaine and fucking your niece. This is the Jesus of everlasting, eternal, constant, abiding, massive trinitarian love: a love that constantly gives and gives and gives itself until you are beefed up, horned up, and ready to help America stop being afraid of death and ready to LIVE FOREVER in (party) CHRIST.
Hunter creates an alter-ego: PARTY CHRIST. PARTY CHRIST throws huge HUNTER 2024 raves in the forest in Michigan. You are crucified if you wear a surgical mask. We’re all hunting for love in the woods.
Hunter hosts Saturday Night Live and never sticks to the script, continually making the promise: “When I get elected, I’m going to let everyone know who did Kennedy, 9/11, and — everything. I will declassify everything. Aliens. Nixon. Complete fresh start.” To top it off, he attacks the Weekend Update host, whoever it is, demanding an investigation into Ruby Ridge. He peels off his shirt. FREE ALEX JONES, painted on his gaunt, diseased looking skin. Is Alex Jones in jail? Doesn’t matter. He escapes into the night.
The next day, while campaigning on the boardwalk in Asbury Park with his running mate, a man in a Chester Cheetah costume, Hunter Biden is shot and killed. At least that’s what the news reports, at first. But then it is all reported to be a complete fabrication. The real Hunter breaks into Hasan Piker’s home during a livestream. His men restrain and drug Piker with a lethal dose of sodium amytal. During the precious few minutes before SWAT arrives to take down the risen fugitive, he explains his vision of hemispheric integration, from Canada all the way down to the very end of South America. All under HUNTER BIDEN LEADERSHIP.
Do you see what’s happening? What started off as an absolute ridiculous joke has now become an increasingly likely probability? Can you remove a man from the ballot for being the final memelord? It it not impossible now to admit some possibility that we may live in a universe where Hunter himself, or his sexy uncle, or someone in the Biden syndicate will read this post and want to get in touch and know more about our deep strategic ideas for preserving the Biden family by running Hunter in 2024 against Trump in the Republican primary, and then situating Hunter as the first American god-emperor.
How could this not work?